over and done with-!

I've had enough of feeling like the bad person!

So what if i was the one who ended the relationship?

Does that really make me the villain now?!

Answer these questions below

1. Would you still be with someone you no longer trust?
2. Shouldn't we be honest about our feelings in a relationship?
3. Must a GF report on her whereabouts, who she's yumcha-ing with, what she doing daily?
4. Can you seriously tahan sumone calling u daily three/four times, multiples texts, countless facebook inbox messages, doodles love n kisses on ur Facebook wall all in one day? 

i can keep going with all these questions but like i've said before, i've had enough. :)  i'll just keep it as short and simple as i possibly can, then i'm going to never speak of this ever again. So here goes, take a deeeep breath peeps!

• i broke up with him via a phonecall on a beautiful balcony of a Marina Court penthouse (*much thanks to Chung). i no longer had the same feelings that i had before. Before anyone thinks that i was just playing around, i'm just going to say it riiiiiight here : " Hell no." 

• Mostly because of my own beliefs, i wanna be with someone who shares the same principles as i do. I believe dating is a very serious matter and sex is only after marriage. It broke my heart when i found out he didn't share the same views on the matter. 

• i tried overlooking it, to forget it and focus on his other qualities. It worked for a while until i found out he had been lying to me on a certain matter for nearly two weeks. I'd try pointing it out many times, but if he still thinks i'm falling for it then forget it. My respect flew out of the window in a nanosecond. 

• And trying to control is not going to work, hun! You don't have to be my best friend to figure  out that i hate being controlled! I can't stand having to pick up the phone to tell my whereabouts, then continue to answer the same old questions "where are u? what you doing there? who is there? when you going home?" 

• i think i'm the only girl in the world that kinda hates the cute name calling like " baby, bb, b" or the overusage of "i love u". EVERY SMS,CALL,MESSAGE is filled with this! There should be a limit! I dun feel like its special anymore... 

Okay. i've had enough and i'm stopping right here.

the END.

i can bet you guys feel like you're studying for a pop quiz 

if you've read this whole post. LOL~ 

 pat urself on the back, peeps!

I truly applaud and appreciate you! <3

tell me if what you think, or if you've been thru the same as i did.

please makes me smile once more...

we talked it over and...
altho it was a lil of bashful confessions and lotsa laughs. 

but underneath it all, i know that i've had enuff of this relationship.

there is just no way of turning this around anymore. i've tried.

like a contaminated bottle of juice... there is just no way of changing it back to fresh juice!

haha! sounds funny but yeah, thats how i pictured it in my mind.
not unless ur the juice and i have the enzymes to de-bacteria the juice. 

its not easy :(

i'll just have to gather whatever courage is left in my previously cold heart.

*yanks hair out*

i.cannot.not.lose.my.temper.today.

i'm seriously trying to be so effing patient and understanding.

there is just no way
that i would explode in my boyfren's face.
or rather, into my darling handphone to my bf's ears.

there is also no way
am i going to go and tattle tale to my dad
even tho he's deemed my bestest best fwen in the world.
who has heard me complain/muse abt nearly everything i cud think of.

for the first time in my life,

i'm actually annoyed at picking up the phone.

like, i was reluctant to see who the caller was.

i'm evil. i know.
i swear i was not always like this.
unless i was back in KL, where being bitchy is cool when you're a tiny teen. some might agree that KL-ites are often quite bitchy. O,O

i feel like an OLD lady

looks like me right?! 

maybe it's becuz i've not been dating for 3 years,
so i've forgotten how complicated it is to be in one.

i dont mind the complications. its bound to happen from time to time. but once i've confronted it and it happens AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Lord have mercy on my impatient soul, i get irritated. And irritation usually makes me...or anyone easily angry.
i dun like it tho it happens often :(

i think i might have a baaaaaad case of being a people pleaser.
i tend to want, no wait, make that - I HAVE to please people i care about. 

its a bad habit. i know. am trying to get over it.
lets see the list of people i normally go all out to please. hmmmm.... 

1. daddy
2. mommy
3. sisters
4. besties
5. boyfriend
6. closefrens

doesnt look like much but seriously, its effing hard to please any one. it gets harder if there is more than one person to please at the same time. usually its my parents AND my boyfriend.

he's being really... i cant say demanding like how he described himself.
but i'm just not used to having someone keep tabs on me all the time. Its just weird. even my own parents dun keep daily tabs on where i am, what i'm doin, or who i'm with!

i will mengistiharkan right here : " i, charlottefong, cannot stand reporting on my whereabouts, and who i am with at a constant basis. "

hate crying

might sound childish but yes, i do hate crying.

i can do whatever emotions i want, but crying!
i'd stop myself silly, or i was just try.

The Sad-kinda Cry

• Even at grandma's passing, i only allowed myself to cry at the hospital. After that, i'd only teared up at the funeral, if it overflows i'll quickly wipe it away. 

• When my boyfren walked past the departure gates into the airport to go to UK.

• Getting separated from the main group in NS while doing the navigation thru the jungle test... i was one of the two that tried our best not to cry like the other four bawling babies.

 The Frustrated/Angry/Disappointed-kinda Cry

• The last time i ever cried like this was.... lemme think.... when my first boyfriend and i were arguing back in 2006. And that made us break-up. That was when i promised to myself : i'd never involve myself in anything related to anger if i were to EVER enter a relationship. but... Eff that! Screw that promise over ten times fold and still, there'd be excess. 

• so yeah, i do blame myself for bringing this to myself. i dun wanna lose my temper so i held it in. And when i do that, i start tearing up. I told him i'd be back home at one, but i came back at three. understandable, but we kinda had this talk bfore and i foresaw it. i'm not trying to be a smartass by saying i foresaw it. but rather, i already said to him bfore he left that "i dun answer to anyone but myself and God. but i'm trying to change, i'm already telling u where i am most of the time and usually i nvr tell how i feel about another, but now i do"

you might think the solution is simple, "don't hold it in then!" Sorry, no.. to lose my temper is un-christian-like and, I'm just going to be more patient with myself and him.

far too many questions...

what if ...

• i never feel 'it's all right' for him to mingle with his exes or past flings?
• there was a part of me that still worry of what other's think of this relationship?
• i had waited for him to come back from UK, then only had a relationship with him? 
• what he said was right about me being swept off my feet by another?

.....

...

..

.

what if this perfect relationship begin to show signs of imperfections?

just shoot me now. 

quiet down, dear mind.

im back in that black hole of loneliness and emotional wreck. of course its not even half as bad as it was 4 years ago... 

this is just a separation, not a break-up.

i wished i had met him a year ago. or two years ago. then we could have made plans together. but the pessismistic side of me thinks it wud hv been better if i never met him. i'd still be the new me - independent, strong and carefree.

like a hermit or an anti-social, i just stayed at home ever since he left. this is probably the longest period of time i have spent at home in...more than a year. hahaha! 

i did cry when he left. and in his house before i gave him and his family a lift to the airport. and another time after he went thru the departure gates. and once more in the airport carpark. another one at the Yacht Club. and the final one of that day, on my bed.

crazy shyt if u ask me. no one has seen me cry. unless u mean, tearing up at the movies.