toprank -OR-bepranked ?

i must be pranking MYSELF. 

or i cud be just plain stupid.

i kinda knew from the start that it was a bad idea to even start liking him. like seriously, to even consider a relationship with him is exactly like asking my dad to think of becoming a world renown rockstar. He might just give me the do-u-think-i-m-stupid look and carry on with watever he was previously doing. 

now, i've done the one thing i told myself to not do. 

prepare to scream/shout/slap me awake to reality.... i said "yeah, let's do this"

i said that to his suggestion : let's prank Ralph and everyone else.
lets say we're a couple.

i really like him. dangit. deep shyt i've dug myself into.
but i was blinded by the unbiased hatred i had for Ralph. and the fact that i really do like this guy... :/


:/ right now i'm having a hard time deciding what he does/say is real/fake. sometimes i'd smile my genuinely-giddy-with-glee smile when he says something sweet or awwww-worthy.  

but then when the lil voice in my head 
reminds me of reality, i cant help but just give a 'blah...so wasted!' 

skin tones differ?

 dated an english-educated chinese for too long. 

kinda regretting it. so yeah, if YOU are reading this (the english educated chinese tht dated me back then), i'll let you know that you were being unfair and mean! its called playful flirting and i've NVR cheated. you did. i just refused to be a gossip monger and tell the  whole church on u. which u obviously enjoyed doing. or maybe it was ur sis. i dunno. i dun care.

   dated a dreamy Johorian malay for a lil while.

he was sooooooo easy going. its the type of relationship reserved only in boring english movies. where couples would sit down, hv tea, chit chat then hv a walk. he's not much of a talker or a looker but gawd, i thank God everyday he's my dance partner in Akedemi Sri Ledang (the Glee of Kem NS Sri Ledang, Johor! we were AWESHUM!!!) sucha gentle soft spoken guy whose family were so divine in accepting me as anak-angkat :')  imissyoulabuddy!

but i don't think it wud be wise to suddenly hv a crush on a guy at least three tones darker than myself. 

im no racist. i hv best friends who aren't chinese. heck! i grew up in KL lah~ high skewl was filled wif them indians and malays. i had an indian bestie for a while... cuz she moved away to shah alam. :( then i lost her number back in form 2. sigh. i still hv my malay close frens too! hehe! but anyway, the point is... i dun think its as simple as a crush. stupid of me, yes. crazy of me, hell yeah. 

flings = not charlotte. 

i swear, if i had to. i wudnt go on with this crush. met him thru... i think i shud blardy dedicate this blog to Alvin. he seems to get me into trouble all the time. i met this guy thru Alvin. seen him hang out wif Alvin alot around JP smoking shisha. dunno why he hangs around indians. IM NOT RACIST. ;p just worried he might be hanging out wif the wrong crowd. but im not his momma. i hv this soft spot for anyone from my KK primary skewl days. he's a in rough patch for a while. i dun care wad others say of him, as long he's honest and looks out for me, im doin the same. so shoot me, if he doesn't.