hate crying

might sound childish but yes, i do hate crying.

i can do whatever emotions i want, but crying!
i'd stop myself silly, or i was just try.

The Sad-kinda Cry

• Even at grandma's passing, i only allowed myself to cry at the hospital. After that, i'd only teared up at the funeral, if it overflows i'll quickly wipe it away. 

• When my boyfren walked past the departure gates into the airport to go to UK.

• Getting separated from the main group in NS while doing the navigation thru the jungle test... i was one of the two that tried our best not to cry like the other four bawling babies.

 The Frustrated/Angry/Disappointed-kinda Cry

• The last time i ever cried like this was.... lemme think.... when my first boyfriend and i were arguing back in 2006. And that made us break-up. That was when i promised to myself : i'd never involve myself in anything related to anger if i were to EVER enter a relationship. but... Eff that! Screw that promise over ten times fold and still, there'd be excess. 

• so yeah, i do blame myself for bringing this to myself. i dun wanna lose my temper so i held it in. And when i do that, i start tearing up. I told him i'd be back home at one, but i came back at three. understandable, but we kinda had this talk bfore and i foresaw it. i'm not trying to be a smartass by saying i foresaw it. but rather, i already said to him bfore he left that "i dun answer to anyone but myself and God. but i'm trying to change, i'm already telling u where i am most of the time and usually i nvr tell how i feel about another, but now i do"

you might think the solution is simple, "don't hold it in then!" Sorry, no.. to lose my temper is un-christian-like and, I'm just going to be more patient with myself and him.